-------------------------------------- The following C64/128 RoundTable Bulletin Board Messages have been archived by H.HERMAN8 (Howie). -------------------------------------- ************ Topic 7 Mon Aug 01, 1994 THE.OUTLAW (Forwarded) Sub: Taglines Have you seen a good Offline Reader Tagline? Would you like to pass it along? Then post it here! 90 message(s) total. ************ ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 1 Sat Jan 28, 1995 C128-QT.PIE at 18:36 EST Giggle!! Thanks for the laughs, Frank! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 2 Sat Jan 28, 1995 D.PHELPS1 [Tim Phelps] at 19:11 EST OK. Here are some of mine: (I made this file as a compilation of the many taglines I have.) - QWKie v3.1 - What do you think I am, a programmer? - QWKie v3.1 - Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan: Bakersfield is boring. - QWKie v3.1 - Former C64 user: So the C64 can do high speeds; crow is good. - QWKie v3.1 - Syntax? What uses would that kind of sales tax be attached to? - QWKie v3.1 - PC: A TV set is a video monitor deluxe. - QWKie v3.1 - I'm not shouting when I say OK. That's just AP style. :) - QWKie v3.1 - Los Angeles: The transient city. - QWKie v3.1 - Dennis Rodman: There's nothing to sightsee in Utah. - QWKie v3.1 - Got a Novaterm or a QWkie problem, write to me. I might help. - QWKie v3.1 - Will PBS's "Baseball" be the only baseball shown in September? - QWKie v3.1 - I have five dozen taglines on disk. - QWKie v3.1 - Former C64 user: The C64 was and still is a great computer. --- I made this file months ago so some of the taglines might be a little old. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 3 Sat Jan 28, 1995 D.PHELPS1 [Tim Phelps] at 19:37 EST I almost forgot about these: (I have these as actual tagline files but didn't save them as a seq text unlike those in the message before.) ...For sure I'm a valley boy. But like, I don't talk like one dude. ...My taglines are orginal and homemade (usually). ...Why don't people copy my taglines? Because they're copyrighted :) ...A photographer is a still-picture specialist. ...Could I get disc surgery at a computer repair shop? ...The Commodore isn't an old computer. It's a classical computer. ...How could a place sell Windows if they don't have windows. ...Commodore DOS? Is that a Spanish computer? ...I'm not a comedian but I act like one at home. ...Oh oh. Someone's playing that Mission Impossible them again. ...Why have I never seen the TV show, "To Be Announced"? ...When a station calls it quits for the day, is that the "Sign off Show"? ...If people were to be objective, they would be robots. ...Go ahead. Ask me a rhetorical question. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 4 Sat Jan 28, 1995 C128.JBEE at 23:00 EST invisible cats ... ROTF! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 5 Sat Feb 04, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 22:51 EST Sex discrimination is sexist ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 6 Sun Feb 05, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 16:58 EST Some taglines I have received from some of the echos I read on the FIDO net. ...Laughter...the no side-effect tranquilizer. ...SMILE! The second best thing you can do with your lips! ...A clean disk is the sign of a warped drive. ...A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. ..."Honey, what's 'Formatting Drive C:' mean?" ...No! No, Nurse!!! I said, "Prick his boil!" ...hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? ...Hope I die before I get old. Woops, too late. ...What sort of photo would one need to blackmail Madonna? ...Do I BELIEVE in the Bible?! Hell man, I've SEEN one!! ...Confuse people...quote from the wrong message. ...1996 U.S. Olympic Drowning Team member. ...///\oo/\\\Bugs?///\oo/\\\ ///\oo/\\\What bugs?///\oo/\\\ ...5 out of 10 analysts say I'm insane. That's NOT a majority! ...WARNING! Removal of this tagline prohibited by law! ...A man is as old as the woman he feels. ..."I'm serious...and stop calling me Shirley!" ...Android in a trash compactor: Data compression. ...When Data has a cold, does he use a virus scanner? ...*NO CARRIER* -- A Naval Aviator's worst nightmare! ...She was likely to get into trouble...I just wanted to help. ...For want of a life, a liberal was conceived -- again and again and... ...The cost of feathers has risen. Now even down is up! ...I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walked! ...Why do we call then apartments when they're so close together? ...The Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can! ...163,000 battered women...Sheesh, I've been eating them raw. just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ..."Hey, this isn't my tagline! Who put this here?" ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 7 Tue Feb 07, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:18 EST Talk don't cook no beans. Why put off to tomorrow what you can put off to next week. The difference between God and a doctor is God doesn't think he's a doctor. Beauty lies between the buttocks and the eyes. Home is where you hang your heart. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 8 Thu Feb 09, 1995 THE.OUTLAW at 15:22 EST .. Some days you are the dog. Some days you are the hydrant. .. Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 9 Tue Feb 14, 1995 H.HERMAN1 at 06:50 EST Southern Baptist Convention Enters Bidding for Commodore International NASHVILLE (EP) -- In a surprise announcment today, lawyers for the Southern Baptist Convention tendered a bid for the assets of Commodore International, the ailing computer vendor which is currently in Chapter 11 protection from creditors. In light of Microsoft's acquisition of the Roman Catholic Church, announced on December 1st of last year, and IBM's bid to acquire the Episcopalian Church in the US, which was announced on January 4th of this year, it seemed likely that more mergers and acquisitions between computer companies and major religious groups, although this would mark the first time that a religious group acquired a computer company, rather than the other way around. Neither Commodore nor the SBC would make an official comment on the story, preferring to wait and see whether the SBC offer is accepted before making any official announcements. Details of the offer have not been made public, but analysts speculate that, in view of competing offers for Commodore already on the table, the SBC would have to agree to assume all outstanding debts of Commodore, as well as a cash offering. Since the SBC is not traded on any major stock exchange, a stock swap does not appear to be an option. Some analysts speculate that Commodore and the SBC would make good "fit." Commodore has never had particularly effective marketing, preferring to compete on price. Thus, technically accomplished products like the Amiga languished in the marketplace, while other, less capable products took most of the market share. Then too, Commodore offers a nice product mix to the SBC. "Baptists never seem to be able to get along with one another," commented an SBC source who asked to remain unnamed. "Any time you get two Baptists together, you get three opinions!" None of Commodore's product lines -- the Commodore 64/128, Amiga, or MS-DOS compatibles, are capable of running the same software. Some observers speculate that the SBC will revive production of the discontinued Commodore 64/128 line, in order to offer Baptists a full range of incompatible options. In fact, some speculate that the SBC would attempt to re-enter Commodore's original electronics market -- the desktop calculator. "Hey, in some Baptist churches, a calculator would be pretty radical technology!" commented an anonymous Baptist source. Programmers at Broadman, developers of the Church Information System sold through Baptist Bookstores, are said to be hard at work porting CIS to the Commodore 64/128 and Amiga platforms. Some managers at Baptist Bookstores are already trying to find room in their stores to fit in demo models of the different computer lines. "I just really don't know where to put them!" one manager wailed. "I just can't really sacrifice the praying hands snow globes, or the glow-in-the -dark Holy Family steak knives. Maybe I'll just cut back on the Guy and Ralna albums, but that's just really hard to do!" Commodore and the Southern Baptist Convention have some interesting parallels. The Baptists originally began in Europe, although they have achieved their greatest market penetration in North America. The Southern Baptists are reported to have 14 million users in the United States, with overseas marketing divisions in most countries of the world. On the other hand, Commodore began in North America, and have had their greatest success recently in Europe, where the Amiga holds a sizeable market share in Germany. "That should be no surprise," said a Baptist insider who refused to divulge his name. "A prophet is without honor in his home town." Copyright (c) 1995 Evangelical Press ==================================================== I can't claim credit for this one ... I found it in alt.humor.best-of-usenet this morning. As a Southern Baptist, trust me when I say that the author has the SBC dead on! Jim Stephenson Commodore Power User - 128D / 200Mb SCSI Hard Drive 3.2Mb Floppy Drive / 1Mb RAM Drive (16Mb potential) / 14.4K Modem "The ratio of spam to baked beans is telling, isn't it?" ------------------------------------------------ Howie ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 10 Wed Feb 15, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 22:12 EST Here are some more taglines stolen...er, saved from FIDONET. ...Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting. ...I'm thinking of emigrating. Know any decent planets? ...Always use tasteful words; you may have to eat them. ...If it screams, it's best not to eat it.........yet! ...Windows is NOT a virus, virusses DO something. ...All wiyth. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? ...We all live in a yellow subroutine. ...When achieving orgasm, do atheists pant "Oh, randomness!"?? ...I'm Jagger of Borg. I can't get no assimilation. ...Terror: Encountering a female Klingon with PMS. ...Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. ...After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend. ...This tagline is SHAREWARE! To register, send me $10. ...The Irish government is welthy because its capital is always Dublin. ...We ought to rename Summer "Pride" because pride commeth before the fall. ...The sheep rustler who broke out of jail is now on the lam. ...Ignore your health and it will go away. ...And this just in: Fisherman arrested for being a hooker - film at 11. ...America borders on the magnigicent ->Canada! ...Paula Jones to Bill Clinton - "No thanks, I choke on small bones!" ...Young at heart...slightly older in other places. ..."It works!...Now, if only I could remember what I did!" ...I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent. ...Forget your troubles! Take Milk of Amnesia! ...I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. ...Oh, never mind! ...FORMAT C: Completed...transferring virus to D: ...Look at this! He's listed "Reality" as a PREVIOUS address! ...American Politics: Some dissembly required. ...Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talking! ...Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? ...And Zeus said: "t/T=*[1-(V/c)*]", and there was light. ...(Ice rocks hit the hull) "Captain, we are being hailed." ...Bakers do it for the dough. ...I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every moment of it!!! ...Heterosexuality: What Causes It? On the next Geraldo. ...You gotta hand it to those blind prostitutes... ...MODEM - Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine. ...O lord, protect me from those to whom you speak directly. More in another message. just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 11 Wed Feb 15, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 22:13 EST ...Freefall Sex: And you thought AIDS was dangerous. ...Freefall Sex: Going down while going down! ...Freefall Sex: Help! I'm falling and can't get it up! ...Freefall Sex: Honey, shouldn't we BOTH have parachutes!??! ...Freefall Sex: I only write these lines, I don't perform them! (stolen) ...Freefall Sex: It's not a balloon, honey. I forgot to put it on first! ...Freefall Sex: It's not risky, is it? Would I *lie* to you??? ...Freefall Sex: It's not the same as doing it in the back of a '57 Chevy! ...Freefall Sex: Lounge Lizards Leaping 4 Love or Lust? Next on Oprah! ...Freefall Sex: Newest Fad for Daredevil Sex Maniacs. ...Freefall Sex: Night jump, anyone? Imagine 3 moons in the sky at once! ...Freefall Sex: Safest when using a Parachute! ...Freefall Sex: Sex Education taken to it's Highest Limits! ...Hmmm? None for me, thanks. I'm in lumberjack mode - trying to cut down. ...He/she loves nature...despite what it did to his/her face. ...I'm NOT addicted. I just use the modem all the time. ...Objects in mirror are stupider than they appear. ...Of course I'm sane. The voices told me so. ...My tagline is in the shop. This is a loaner. ...SENILE.COM found...Out Of Memory ...An ounce of pretension = a pound of manure. ...Hug your kids at home. Belt them in the car! ...How many boards could a Mongal hoard if a Mongal horde got bored? ...Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. ...Always look up to women in mini-skirts. ...Sex on TV is OK...if you don't fall off. ...Press "+" to see another tagline. ...Dial 911...Make a PARAMEDIC come! ...Invest in negotiable blondes. ...Alzheimers is very..ah..uh....uh......um.... ...64,999,999 Firearms Owners Killed Nobody Yesterday! ...Me sexist? Why, some of my best friends are bimbos! ...The mad tagline stealer has been at it again. ...Borg starter kit. Some assimilation required. ...Hmmm...let me see...was that Intel or K-tel? ...NORAD installed Windows. The Russians declared a national holiday. ...A naked man fears no pickpocket. ...Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic ...Poverty: too much month left at the end of the money. ...They had computers in Eden. Eve had an Apple and Adam had a Wang. ...Death is life's way of saying - You're Fired! ...Not tonight, dear. I have a modem. ...I tried to contain myself...but I escaped. ...Windows detedted. Throw a rock? (Y/y)? More another time. just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ...Caution: This stuff is addictive. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 12 Thu Feb 16, 1995 THE.OUTLAW at 00:06 EST Wow! What a list Frank! thanks! :> ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 13 Thu Feb 16, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:20 EST My wife says I never listen to her. At least, I think that's what she said. God, guns and guts settled Texas. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 14 Fri Feb 17, 1995 ADAM.RT [ADAM/Geoff] at 02:41 EST LOL! *Geoff!* ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 15 Fri Feb 17, 1995 THE.OUTLAW at 06:38 EST Well I'm not sure bout God and Guts, but Guns for sure! LOL! :> ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 16 Sat Feb 18, 1995 W.JONES53 at 00:30 EST BUFF.PHOON ROTFLOL N.ONEIL How about: Beef, cause the west wasn't won on salads! Bill J. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 17 Sat Feb 18, 1995 H.STEVENS5 [HaroldOH] at 18:23 EST In regards to the Southern Baptists buying Commodore -- ROFLOL! Now all they have to do is show up at West Chester, Pa., put their hands on the doors of the closed Commodore facility and say, "HEAL!" :D --Harold ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 18 Sun Feb 19, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 12:22 EST OK,Outlaw, I had it wrong. How's this: Booze, beans, guts, and guns settled Texas. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 19 Thu Feb 23, 1995 THE.OUTLAW at 20:13 EST ... Homosexual Virus - Attacks only programs that suck. ... Myth #1: The computer only does what you tell it to do. ... I have a rare photograph of Houdini locking his keys in his car. ... Great Lake...resting place for Hoffa, Elvis and IBM's!!!! ... Canadian Winters....separate the men from the boyz ... Programming???????? Ok, where's the TV-Guide? ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 20 Fri Mar 03, 1995 THE.OUTLAW at 17:33 EST ... KARAOKE: Japanese for tone deaf drunk with microphone.... ... It's OK to eat chicken with your fingers, but only when its dead. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 21 Fri Mar 03, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:53 EST I was born in Texas but I left and became civilized....Nanette How can you start a revolution if you won't step on the grass...Stacey ...never had mumps, never inoculated for it either. Hey I'll bet my balls I'll never get it....Steg Haugdahl ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 22 Sun Mar 05, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 00:26 EST ****Caught in the net... Inet**** Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job. Friends don't let friends vote Republican. If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a stupid question. I'd cheat on Hillary, too. Listen to Rush...It's easier than thinking. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 23 Mon Mar 06, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 00:20 EST If you trust in God do you lock your car...Stephen Carville ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 24 Mon Mar 06, 1995 H.HERMAN1 at 05:33 EST Hey! That FISH in the banner! Outstanding!!! :) Howie ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 25 Mon Mar 06, 1995 C128-QT.PIE at 06:34 EST RE: Fish...hmmm, Howie the Fish, has a certain ring to it, don't ya think??? ;) ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 26 Sat Mar 11, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 22:41 EST ...The sex was so good, even the neighbors lit cigarettes. ...Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes? ...Stone Age Idiot?...Jurassic Dork! ...A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, many condoms, and thou. ...Explosion at sperm bank; nurses overcome...Flim at eleven! ...No, no nurse! I said SLIP off his SPECTALES! ...If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille. ...You need professional help. May I suggest Dr. J. Kevorkian...? ...Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication. ...With the right seasonings, humble pie tastes a lot like crow. ...24-hr Chinese restaurant. Wok awound the clock. ...Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. ...Am I a tagline? I don't remember... ...Sometimes I just shake my head...but it never helps. ...What is a sylum, and why does everyone want one? ...Hi! My name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me! ...I'm not sleeping...I'm in STEALTH mode! ...The future is so bright, I gotta wear shades! ...Don't let your mind wander; it's too small to be let out. ...The Clinton Plan: health care run by Windows. ...But soft, what wind through yonder buttocks breaks? ...Government Waste: any money not spent in your own district. ...A fool and his money are my kinda party! ...If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. ...Ha! I suppose you thought I would place a tagline here! ...I was on a roll 'til I slipped on the butter. ...Golf is flog spelled backwards. ...Good lawyers can get "Sodomy" reduced to "Following Too Close". ...I tried to contain myself, but I escaped! ...Reality? But there are DISHES in reality! ...A day without OJ is like...regular television! ...Sexy women are nature's was of telling men, "Keep it up!" ...Pour beer on your modem & make your Baud Wiser! ...The Post Office just gave Pavarotti a new aria code. ...Transistors blow before a protecting fast acting fuse. ...The transistor will blow up to protect its fast-acting fuse. ...S O C K S. Hey! Spanish is EASY! ...Semiconductor: a part-time orchestra leader ...o/~ I hate you. You hate me. Let's throw Barney in the sea... o/~ ...Psychoceramics : The study of crackpots ...Sorcerer's Parking Only. Violators will be toad. ...If it weren't for a pickpocket, you'd have no sex life at all! just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ...My computer has a loose nut on the keyboard! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 27 Wed Mar 15, 1995 K.SCHENK [Karl] at 23:29 EST I can't help myself! I've just gotta try my hand at this! (Warning- DO NOT EXPECT GREATNESS! This is my first attempt to "tag"! ...Man leaps to his death at 10:59:52! Film at 11:00!! ...If you find cornflakes around your computer, plug the cereal port! ...Encryption: Geopublish file ported as PETASCII into MS-DOS machine. ...Did 007 remain unmarried, or did James Bond? ...If a tin whistle's made of tin, What's a foghorn made of? ...Homophile: Straight person fascinated by homosexuality, talkshow host. ...You can scrape it off your shoes, but the smell lingers on. ...Politics: Insects that irritate you while you watch TV. ...You can [RUN], but you can't [SAVE] yourself! ...If you escaped Jurassic Park, you just saved Jurass! ...At what point does a processor stop being "Micro"? ...Why do women NEVER remember to put the toilet seat back up?!! Well, at least I feel better now, but I promise not to do this again unless I really, really want to... Just like that incident last week with the jar of fire-ants, the super glue, and the electric fan... ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 28 Thu Mar 16, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 00:12 EST Don't drive me crazy...it' within walking distance. Some people find fault as if it were a treasure. He always takes his wife fishing with him so he can hear her say "Wow! That's a big one." ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 29 Tue Mar 21, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 21:37 EST Okay, o-kay, OKAY! So these _aren't_ taglines. I still think you people might like reading them anyway. Why is everyone so tired on April 1st? ...Because they've just finished a long March! What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1st? ...April Ghoul's Day! What is the best day for monkey business? ...The first of Ape-ril. Does a clown know all about April 1st? ...Yes, he's fooly aware of it. What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day? ...On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful. What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? ...Prankenstein! just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 30 Tue Mar 21, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 21:45 EST Not tonight ,dear. I have a modem. I'm so skeptical, I can hardly believe it. Nuke Newt! Newt Gingrich, the Ira Magaziner of 1995. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 31 Sat Mar 25, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 19:23 EST ...Attila the Nun - a simple girl pledged to a life of brutality. ...Alimony is the take from the mistake. ...Change is inevitable...except from the pop machine. ...I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect. ...Women and TV - don't try to understand them, just try to enjoy them. ...Capital Punishment means never having to say, "YOU AGAIN?" ...I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't know these freeways had no-smoking lanes. ...Ignorance is curable. Stupidity is permanent. ..."Meoowww!"...SPLAT!..."Ruuuuufff!"...SPLAT! (Raining cats and dogs) ...If at first they don't succeed...VOTE THEM OUT! ...Camels have wet dreams, too. It's just a bumpier raod. ...Tautology, n. - Conversation between Tweety and Sylvester. ...What does it mean if a hen is such a chicken that she has ovaphobia? ...Join the Army, visit scenic places, THEN DESTROY THEM! ...Me sexist? Why, some of my best friends are bimbos! ...Stupidity is NOT a handicap...park somewhere else! ...Just my luck...cut my lip licking an envelope on a "get well" card. ...Is there a Republican in the house? Ok, any more? ...Dr. Kevorkian for White House physician. ...When I was a boy, we carved our own ICs outa wood. ...I'm easy to please...as long as I get my way. ...The world is coming to an end. Please log off. ...Make headlines! Use a corduroy pillow. ...Nice fart! I bet that was an 8 on the open-ended Rectum scale. ...I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated. ...The doctor says he has to amputate all of me. ...Beauty is , is in the eye , of the beer holder. ...A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. ...Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch! ...FIGHT BACK! Fill out you tax form with Roman numerals. ...P.E.T.A. People for the Eating of Tasty Animals!!! ...Clinton's energy bill will tax the btu values in farts. Jack and Jill went up a hill To smoke a funny leaf. Jack got high and dropped his fly. Jill just giggled, "Where's the beef?" just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ...I wound my watch too tight...and broke the battery. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 32 Sun Mar 26, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 00:06 EST When my wife told me I'm no good in bed, I told her I'm getting a second opinion. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 33 Sun Mar 26, 1995 CBM-BANDIT at 01:23 EST I like the poem! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 34 Mon Mar 27, 1995 E.GBELL [e.g.bell] at 19:04 EST Here are some courtesy of TagThief... :) Forgive the ones that have already been posted. :) ... Scatology, The science of shooing cats ... Who needs a cat to ignore them, I have a wife for that! ... The Information Superhighway needs more on-ramps! ... URA Redneck if the orig. color of your carpet is on Unsolved Mystery's ... I hear that Quaidsmodo is around, I had a hunch he was back. ... He who farts in temple, must sit in his own pew. ... *GEOS . . . . Windows made better by Smarter Programmers* ... URA Redneck if: You need an estimate from the barber before you get a ... URA Redneck if you use your mailbox to hold up your clothesline ... Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3 ... I am Flatulus of Borg. You will be asphixiated! ... Confused? Call Counselor Troi, 1-900-NCC-1701, $1.95/min. ... Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once. ... Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator halted! ... Our policy is ALWAYS to blame the computer. ... iT's HarD tO tYPe WHilE cHoKinG a cAT! ... URA Redneck if: You think the stock market has a fence around it. SLMR 2.1a WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann ?? SLMR 2.1a I'm flexible..just don't change anything. ... I would advise youse to shut up and start dialin'. - Spocko ... URA Redneck if: You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. ... * <--- Tribble +---*---+ <--- Texas Longhorn Tribble ...Due to $$, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned OFF. ... I DID NOT make a mistake, The computer misunderstood my request. ... I am working on my second million dollars..never got the first. ... SEX is like insurence, the older you get the more it cost. ... Change is inevitable, except from vending machines and politicians. ... How does a new wife know dinner is ready? The smoke alarm goes off. ... I have read and understood the above X______________. ... Avoid "off topic" warnings: Add the moderator to your twitlist. ... No bathroom?...Just boldy go where no one has gone before ... NO! You can NOT call 911....I am down loading my FIDO mail. ... Cat Scan: A medical test to detect the prescents of furballs. ... If I was not nuts, I would be insane. ... line noise provided by NYNEX (New York Telephone), Free of charge ... Why don't infents injoy infancy, like Adlts injoy adultery. ... Chicken Teriyaki: name of the only living kamikazi pilot. ... This tagline was typed before a dead studio audience. ... Chess players take hours, to mate. ... Buy one, get one FREE! Does it have to be in that order? ... KEYBORD, A devise used to enter errors into a computer. SLMR 2.1a Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The BackSpace Key! SLMR 2.1a It's only illegal if you get caught! SLMR 2.1a The problem- once identified -- Trivial !! ... A sense of humor is mandatory when living with cats. ... Dammit, Jim, I'm an Alzheimer's patient, not a...uh...umm.. ... "Beam me aboard, Scotty." "Aye, Captain. Will a 2x4 do?" ... (CBM) Commodore Computer Conference ... The Borg are coming! Quick! Try and look useless! ... "Captain, please. Not in front of the Klingons." ... Lightyear: A regular year with less calories. ... I'm Popeye of Borg! Prepare to be askrimilgated! ... Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that? ... Mary Poppins ... first of the Q to visit earth ... ... URA Redneck if Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas Card.. ... URA Redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling Dairy Queen ... Worf! Still struggling up the evolutionary ladder? ... "Scotty, 1 to beam up.";zzzzzz;"Not him! Me!" ... Wouldn't Wesley make a great "manned phototorp" pilot...? ... "Wesley!" "Yes Sir?" "Get OFF my bridge!" ... I had a cat once... Tasted like chicken. ... Four Track Module Music: Coming soon to a Commodore 128 near you! ... Cats are hard on cars. Mostly when you chase them over curbs! ... I was a cat in nine of my former lives.. ... 200 pound parrot: "HERE KITTY, KITTY..." ... There is never enough beer, sex, or disk space. ...and here's the current listing of my C64 files... ... I logon, therefore I am. ... Having sex after a fight could revolutionize hockey! ... Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer. ... Taglines are meant to be adopted. Take one home. ... I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. ... With 8 bites to a byte, how much chocolate to a nybble? ... When they made up a list of guys is the know. I was not on that list. ... He who fights with wife all day, Gets no piece at night. ... trespassers will be SHOT, survivors will be shot again. ... If you want someone to keep a secret, keep it yourself. ... Men ware their hair 3 ways: Parted, Unparted, & Departed ... No Warp? Worf, Data .. get out and push .. I'll steer! ... I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be .... oooooohh, doughnuts... ... A Tribble a day keeps the Klingons away. ... Q-Tip: When a really powerful alien gives you advice. ... "Come on, Spock! Pull my finger!" -- Kirk ... Forget the Prime Directive - Let's kill something. ... Borg Moderator: Your Topic Is Irrelevant. ... Give someone a hug today, It makes the arms go round. ... Dogs come when you call, Cats have answering machines. ... Thats not line noise, my modems is speaking in tongues. ... Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. ... Instant human: just add coffee and a pinch of chocolate. SLMR 2.1a MIDI - It is Insanity personified ... Navy Pilot's Worst Nightmare: Lost The Carrier! ... URA Redneck if the cockroaches left a note saying, "Clean this up!".. ... Don't listen to THEIR foolishness! Listen to MINE! ... Klingons do NOT read taglines! ... "Your restraint was most remarkable." "You have no idea." ... You're a Redneck if you have to move the transmission to take a bath. ... Chicken Teriyaki: Name of the only living kamikazi pilot ... 30 minutes of begging is not considered foreplay. ... URA Redneck if: Birds are attracted to your beard. ... URA Redneck if you think heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach ... I don't have a life, I have an offline reader. ... "Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do..." ... My OTHER computer is a Commodore-128D! ... I use original taglines; they're just someone else's originals. ... ASCII silly question - get a silly ANSI. ... If it weren't for deja vu I couldn't remember who I am. ... The car's fine. It's the loose nut behind the wheel. ... I logon, therefore I am. ... I just saw the cat jump through the monitor & run off into cyberspace. ... A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind ... URA Redneck if: You ever cut your grass and found a car. ... URA Redneck if: Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. ... Gross Ignorance: 144 times worse than Standard Ignorance.... ... Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. ... I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. ... "Bother," said Pooh as he got trapped in the printer Got a few more but I have to edit the '*' out of the 1st position. :( ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 35 Mon Mar 27, 1995 CBM-BANDIT at 19:22 EST WoW Ed!!! Your new overlay was working overtime! I like it! :> ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 36 Fri Apr 14, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:16 EDT Programming is an artform that fights back. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 37 Fri Apr 21, 1995 BUFF.PHOON [the Clown] at 23:12 EDT ASCII Doodles ___________________________________________________________________________ ^ ^ ^ (\__/) |\ /| \ ! / ^ ^ /O O . 'o.O' ___ ^ ^ (o__, \ =(_^_)= O %---|___| ^ ^ / . . ) U |/ * O * ^ ^ |-| '-' \ Ack! Thptttt! | \|/ ^ ^ .( _( ) / \ | ^ ^ '---.~_ _ _& / \ / \ ^ ^ Pig out, man! W H A M M ! ! ! ^ ^ ^ ^ /\ /\ ^-=-^ <@/~ O/ ^ ^ | | | | / o \ O Yoo /| I'm ^ ^ | | | | / / |> Hoo! >> back! ^ ^ \/___\/ (@-@/-'\ Horsin' ^ ^ / o o \ around? ___ /\ /\ ^ ^ ( + ) | | | | ^ ^ \_\_/_/ O> [--'] | | | | ^ ^ Some bunny \ Owl sad! / / \ \ ^ ^ O/ -=( O> I'm ( + ) ^ ^ <% Wait -=< <8 outta \__u__/ ^ ^ /> for me! -=/ /> here! Dumb bunny ^ ^ ^ ^ O/--==[} : /| X> : @~/ ,. \~@ ^ ^ / \ /< : / \ /< : /_( \__/ )_\ neener,neener! ^ ^ Thrown pie : missed : \__u_/ ^ ^ ^ ^ ~ ~ ^ ^ __~__ _ _ ^ ^ ( )o coffee __(_)(_) _ ^ ^ \___/ anyone? >(_____)\ / ) ^ ^ \ \_________/_/ A balloon dog ^ ^ \_(___________) just for you! ^ ^ ( ( ) ( ( ) ^ ^ (_(_) (_(_) ^ ^_________________________________________________________________________^ just CLOWNing around Buff Phoon the Clown ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 38 Sat Apr 22, 1995 E.GBELL [e.g.bell] at 06:02 EDT Neat Frank... :) ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 39 Sat Apr 22, 1995 CBM-BANDIT at 06:23 EDT Way cool, Frank!! Thanks! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 40 Sat Apr 22, 1995 ADAM.RT [ADAM/Geoff] at 13:50 EDT I've got some of these doodles too. They're all about cows though. :) *Geoff!* ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 41 Sat Apr 22, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:28 EDT Fabulous, Frank!! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 42 Sun Apr 23, 1995 C128-QT.PIE at 09:53 EDT Here are some taglines I found on my travels. I know some of them are repeats, and a lot are PC oriented, but I figured you'd enjoy them nonetheless... * Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic * My reality check just bounced. * Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! * Press any key to continue or any other key to quit * All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? * LISP: Lots of Idiotic Stupid Parenthesis * Press Ctrl-Alt-Delete to Save * Recursive, adj.; see Recursive * If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. * Do Not Attempt to Traverse a Chasm in Two Leaps. * "DesqView!" ...Gesundheit. * **FLASH** Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. * Not tonight dear.... I have a modem. * Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?? * Help stamp out and abolish repetitive redundancy! * Easy as 3.14159265358979323846... * C code. C code run. Run, code, run ... PLEASE! * How do I set my Laser printer to "Stun"? * Me hav'em heap trouble. - Tonto the programmer * A rolling stone gathers momentum. * To increase speed add lightness * Cole's Law: thinly sliced cabbage. * Old Mcdonald had a computer, with EIA I/O. * Taco Bell Laboratories: where UNIX programmers eat out. * I'm sorry my Karma ran over your Dogma. * All that glitters has a high refractive index. * Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore.... * Mary had a little RAM- about a MEG or so. * Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS * One if by LAN, 2 if by C, 3 if by ERR. * Feet Smell? Nose Run? Hey, you're upside down! * I/O, I/O, it's off to work we go... * Talk is cheap - Because supply exceeds demand. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 43 Sun Apr 23, 1995 C128.JBEE at 15:11 EDT Frank, I love the neener! ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 44 Mon Apr 24, 1995 C128-QT.PIE at 19:52 EDT A Barfing Bush is worth a Quail in the woods! A Cat is Easier to Train Than a Man A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste A NEW weapon against The Borg...Make them D/L Windows! A fate worse than death....MARRIED ALIVE!! A female Sysop is a Sysopette! A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. A friend is something you earn. A hangover: the wrath of grapes. A home, where the buffalo roam, is messy. A job is nice but it interferes with my BBS'ing... A long time ago, on a node far, far away... A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow. A man's computer room is his castle. A procrastinator's work is never done. A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide. A supercomputer is a machine, that runs an endless loop in just 2 seconds. A wok is what you fwo at a wabbit. A woman must be a genius to create a good husband. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 45 Mon Apr 24, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 22:51 EDT Blessings on you, QT. Loved them all. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 46 Sat Apr 29, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 22:08 EDT If it ain't broke.....no one's used it yet. As the actress said to the bishop, why don't you try it again and see what happens. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 47 Sun Apr 30, 1995 C128-QT.PIE at 17:30 EDT Programming - like building a castle with toothpicks Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait. Programming _can_ be fun. Programming is an art form that fights back. Programming is an unnatural act. Programming is done in code ? No wonder it is so cryptic. Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer. Programming: It's not a job, it's an adventure! Programming: The art of debugging a blank sheet of paper. Programs are just people in disguise. Programs. Ones w/bugs & ones w/hidden bugs. Programs: What software used to be, back when we knew how to write it. ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 48 Mon May 08, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 23:42 EDT Time is the fire in which we burn. Why are people so into the beginning and the end of the world... I prefer the middle bit. ...Eva Durant ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 49 Sat May 13, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 19:34 EDT Can we afford to go on wasting solar energy? After all is said and done, usually more is said. Some people see a glass as half empty -- Some people see a glass as half full -- I prefer to drink from the bottle.....Hickeson/Stanfill ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 50 Fri May 26, 1995 B.MASSE [BIG BOB] at 10:54 EDT This isn't a tagline but... I thought this little diddy was kind of funny.... --------------------- Text Import Start --------------------- COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS Word processors never display a cursor. All monitors display inch-high letters. You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress") All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (e.g Clear and Present Danger). If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automagically asked for a password when you try to access it. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled Computers always make sounds that resemble video games. The computer in "Levaithan" sounds just like the spider in the arcade classic, Centipede. Film makers must think audiences are completely computer-dumb. Why is it that when "data" is being displayed on the screen, it invariably resembles a BASIC listing? It has always been a favorite thrill for Commodore owners to spot their machines in films. Almost always they are being used impossibly (for graphics, etc. that were not made by a Commodore), or for tasks they were not designed for (I recently saw a film on the Sci-Fi Channel which depicted a C128 as a keyboard which was hooked into a desktop PC, the keyboard resting on the lap of one of the cast members--and no, this was not a "D" keyboard but and entire "flat" 128! -------------------------------Text end---------------------------------- Yes, sometimes the movie makers go a little overboard, don't they? Bob :) ------------ Category 2, Topic 7 Message 51 Mon Jul 03, 1995 N.ONEIL [Nate] at 21:12 EDT Why is there no adult supervision in the White House? We cheat every other customer and pass the savings on to you. ----------------- --------Country Store, Pine Creek, Texas ------------ Command: CATegories, TOPics, REAd, REPly BROwse, SETcat, EXIt, or HELp -------------------------------------- End of Messages --------------------------------------